update

..and suddenly there was nothing. I mean - absolute absence of any kind of wishes, needs and wants. Just pure being. Firstly it hit me with anxiety and fear - there is nothing more left. The very next moment even this last alarm disappeared. It left me empty, but not in the way of being left unfilled, rather being full in the way that does not require to get filled. Then I felt that there must be something anyway, but I failed to find it. I was just sitting having this feeling of simply being. nothing bothered me, nothing was of interest for me, I was not striving for anything and that moment I just wondered what will come next if ever, what is still there, will there be something which would add anything to my picture. I still have an imprint of that un-feeling and I like to know that it is there. It influences greatly my behaviour, thoughts and actions. We will see.